The 8 Stages of Building Strong Relationships

Personal relationships are the primary source from which all career advancement, personal success and worthwhile achievements in real life come.

It is possible to acquire knowledge and develop skills on your own, but you can only mature in character as you learn to connect with, and complement other people. Strong relationships are the hallmark of a mature and socially aware person.

“It is not time or opportunity that determines intimacy; it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.” – Jane Austin.

The intimacy of a relationship grows over time. In order to achieve intimacy in any relationship, both people must progress through stages of relationship growth together.

Relationships are made up of varying depths of intimacy. Closeness is the currency of intimacy, and every relationship is unique to each person due to their own experience within it. If you want to have long-lasting relationships with individuals who can withstand the test of time, you must first comprehend these following levels of closeness.

If your goal is to create healthy intimate relationships with people that you care about, it is important to have an accurate roadmap for the journey. In modern culture, most roadmaps revolve around fantasy, illusion, and denial, and followers of these maps will tend to have unproductive relationships with no end of conflicting relationship dynamics.

All healthy relationships must advance through the following eight stages;

Stage 1: Attraction

Relationships that are based on obligation lack dignity; therefore, attraction to something about another person is the starting point for all relationships. One person must be attracted to something about the lifestyle of another before any depth of connection can happen.

A person’s attraction can be expressed in many different ways, and it doesn’t necessarily have to do with their appearance. Business relationships are primarily driven by money. Nonetheless, a relationship cannot move forward without some kind of attraction.

Stage 2: Connection

The stage of connection begins when there are sufficient reasons to form a relationship. During this stage, each party decides how the relationship will grow based on the trust they have in the other. Sustaining healthy connections relies on you accepting people as they are.

At this point, any judgment can sever a connection and end a relationship. Some of the greatest challenges in relationships come from the longing many people have to ‘get something’ from another. Most people only remain connected with those who ‘make them feel good. The only way that a relationship will remain connected is when you treat it as a place that you go to contribute, and not just somewhere you go to consume and get your needs met.

Stage 3: Acquaintance

Once enough trust is in the relationship and a connection has happened, an acquaintance is made. At this stage, two people in a relationship will be genuine with each other to the degree that they trust each other. Sometimes this stage of a relationship can feel superficial.

Most people expect much from their relationships, and the key lesson is to not expect anything. Minimising expectations minimises the risk of disappointment. In order for a relationship to thrive, both parties must now be ready to fully invest. Acquaintance lives on the doorstep of friendship and can only take up residence once giving and taking are happening in balance.

Stage 4: Power Struggle

Sadly, some couples spend a lifetime battling for dominance. This happens in friendships, marriage, and even business partnerships. The power struggle stage within a relationship is a fight for supremacy between two people, each of whom wants to secure their position.

Power struggle happens when two people allow their ego to take centre stage and fight for superiority. This is where manipulation and ‘control-freakiness’ happens. Power struggles occur when two people seek to establish standards for further connection – while establishing boundaries for their relationship at the same time. Naturally, this is the ‘make or break’ stage that will determine how much further a relationship will go. It is by learning to manage the power struggle stage of a relationship that people create healthy rapport with another.

Stage 5: Acceptance

Acceptance brings unity into a relationship, allowing it to grow in trust. Once two people unconditionally accept each other for who they are, including each other’s imperfections, a relationship can enter a state of peace where unabridged truths can be mutually spoken.

Once healthy boundaries have been agreed to and set, unconditional acceptance is then possible. There are no long-term commitments at this stage of a relationship – only fair expectations based on what each person knows about the other. As long as both parties accept each other, the relationship will proceed. It’s fine to expect another person to put in the effort as part of the relationship growth process, but it’s not OK to expect people to change who they already are. Healthy relationships allow all parties to be ‘real’ without any need to appease or validate the another.

Stage 6: Consistency

D. L. Moody once said, “Character is about who you are when no one is watching.” When people are watching and things are going well, it’s easy to maintain one’s character. A persons true character is shown during turbulent times, and when no one else is watching.

Consistency requires alignment between your values and actions. In your relationships, when you act in accordance with your values and priorities, you will be perceived as congruent and consistent. Small personal disciplines repeated every day with consistency will lead to heightened trust and connection over time. Being congruent with your values and consistent in your character gives you the confidence to look people in the eye, knowing what you stand for and how your actions align with your values. It is your consistency that lets people develop confidence in you.

Stage 7: Commitment

It’s not one-time events that shape your relationships. It’s what you do and how you conduct yourself consistently. Relationships succeed when both parties commit to investing in the union. Those who won’t commit to a relationship often bail out when cracks start to appear.

Commitment is the last barrier two people must overcome to achieve intimacy with each other. There are only two options regarding commitment; you’re either committed, or you’re not. Commitment transforms your word into something real and involves you prioritising integrity over scepticism every day. There’s a difference between being interested in a person and being committed to someone. When you’re interested in a person, you’ll only be loyal to them when it suits you. When you’re committed to someone, you accept no excuses, only consistency.

Stage 8: Intimacy

All great achievements require time, and intimacy is the greatest achievement you can make in a relationship. Intimacy isn’t just sexual, as it also means closeness. Two people who know from experience they can be fully themselves around another person will grow in intimacy.

Decisions are made in the mind, and commitments are made in the heart. Thus, commitment within any relationship is deeper and significantly more binding than a decision. Its commitment leads to intimacy and increased depths of trust. Passion is the quickest to emerge and vanish in all relationships. True intimacy takes time to build, and it’s the greatest prize that people who are steadfast in their commitment to one another can obtain.

Creating stronger and more meaningful connections with people is more possible than you may think. It is more than possible for you to act more honestly, more transparently, more considerately, and benevolently. These are relatively straight-forward decisions that all people are capable of making.

A healthy person will unreservedly commits to doing life with and for other people. The more intimate relationships you form with people, the more intimately you will know yourself as a person, and the easier it becomes for other people to also know you intimately.

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