How to Live an Authentic Life

There’s a pretty good chance you’re not the same person you were six months ago but you’re still living the same life you were two years ago. We expect ourselves to change but we’re terrified of changing our lifestyles in any way to match our growth. It’s time to stop saying ‘yes’ to the life you’ve outgrown and raise your standards of living. 

 
Most people reach a point in their lives when they realise they’re not the same person they were five years ago, a year ago or six months ago. Yet, fearing change, they continue living a life they’ve outgrown. They hang out with friends who now no longer match their levels of maturity. They remain in a relationship which no longer reflects the dynamic and partnership they want at this stage of their life. And they stay in a career which is no longer challenging or personally fulfilling.
 
People will naturally outgrow their lifestyles whether it’s in their interests, their relationship dynamics or their ambitions and motives, yet the idea of change feels wrong and incongruent to most.
 

Comfort in Mediocrity

 
People cling onto the lifestyles and relationships they have outgrown because comfort and the sunk-cost fallacy control their lives. When people are afraid of change, they feel unable to let go of the things which no longer fulfil them because of the time and emotional energy they’ve invested.
 
Why give up on a four-year relationship now, even if you’re not happy in it, throw away all those years and have nothing to show for it? 
 
Why start a new career when you’ve spent the last ten years of your life working your way up the ladder to get the role you’re in now? 
 
Won’t it all have been a waste of life if you walked away from everything?
 

“Your capacity to say “No” determines your capacity to say “Yes” to greater things.”

– E. Stanley Jones

 

The Art of Saying No

 
When we talk about the concept of saying ‘yes’ and ‘no’, most people think of this in terms of communication. They claim that they find it difficult to say no to their boss, a social invitation or to a salesperson who is just doing their job. 
 
However, we are constantly engaging in the art of saying ‘yes’ and ‘no’ even when we say nothing at all. Every choice that you make in life is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response.
  • Every time you say ‘yes’ to living a lifestyle which isn’t fulfilling you, you’re saying ‘no’ to taking a risk and finding a more fulfilling way of living.
  • Every time you say ‘yes’ to meeting up for a coffee with that friend who emotionally drains you and pulls you down, you’re saying ‘no’ to moving on and making more impactful and meaningful friendships with other people.
  • Every time you say ‘yes’ to your boss when you don’t want to or can’t do the job to the best standard, you’re saying ‘no’ to living more authentically and honestly.
 
In other words, every day you continue living a life you’re bored of, you are saying ‘no’ to living a more meaningful, authentic and meaningful life. 
 
Saying yes and no isn’t just about being able to turn down a sales assistant without feeling rude and awkward or avoiding your friend’s feelings when you choose not to go to their birthday party. Saying no is about learning to stand up for the life you want and investing the time you have on this earth into the areas of life which add value to your life.
 
You need to stop feeling comfortable in mediocrity and start challenging yourself to value who you are, and the time you have to give. Give yourself and your time wisely and stop allowing yourself to say ‘yes’ to a passive life which passes you by faster and faster every year. 
Kain Ramsay
[email protected]

As an established teacher of personal and professional growth principles, and a champion of mental well-being, Kain Ramsay is regarded as one of the world’s foremost thought leaders of modern applied psychology.